Sunday, May 02, 2010


Let's blog about something other than books, shall we?  Okay then.

There's a clear danger to sleeping in the car before church (as one might do if one's husband has to get to church early to set up and run sound). The marks on your face from the closest pillow to hand (a sweater) might still be there when church begins. Beware.

I dreamed this morning that I was singing in the worship band in church, but that I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was having trouble holding my eyes open before I went up to sing, but I figured I'd manage once I was standing on stage. There were other elements to the dream besides that, but that's the one that sticks out in my mind now. I mean, I've had those dreams where you need to go to the bathroom. Those are kind of normal, make sense. But dreaming that you're tired? Come on subconscious, I'm trying to work on it. Shut up and let me get some rest, okay?

Church is one of those things where you don't always want to go, maybe you often don't, especially when you're tired, but you (or I, I guess...) are often glad you (or I) did. Community is so, so good. Even for us introverts. Probably especially for us introverts.

Our pastor said something today (in passing, it wasn't really a main point) about how common it is for people to doubt their salvation. I seem to differ from him in that I think it can be a healthy doubt. The Bible tells us to test our faith, 2 Cor. 13:5, "Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves!" But the words he used reminded me of some things I have thought through before. Sometimes it seems like the more I study the Bible the less sure I am of myself. Back in my senior year at Biola I learned that the Greek word normally translated as "trust" or maybe "belief" in the book of John means something more like "entrust yourself to." We are to entrust ourselves to Christ, faith and action encapsulated in one word. I often don't live like someone entrusting herself to Jesus. But I've come to the conclusion that all I can do is cry out to God, "I do believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)  What else can I do?  What other choice do I have? "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:68)

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