Sunday, April 12, 2009

More Depressing Poetry

Well, technically, it's not depressing poetry because I was depressed when I wrote it, and it helped... =) But... don't know that it'll be the same for my readers. Though we "read to know we're not alone", and so for example certain very depressing episodes of Buffy are tremendously encouraging and helpful for some people... But anyway, thus the blog title, what with the sadness and all.

This is...
not in honor of Easter. Sorry.

I'm a child again
Huddled in a ball
I'm a child again
Locking the bathroom door
I'm a child again
I can't get free can't get free can't get free.
Don't touch me
I can't take it right now.

It's all the same
I'm helpless against myself
I keep calling me back calling me back calling me back.
Don't tell me
It'll be all right.

I know this one
I know how the game is played
I know this one
I've seen I've read the end
I know this one
It keeps playing over again over again over again.
Don't you dare sing along
But I can't change the tune.

It's kind of ironic, because as far as my overall story arc is going, for once in my life I do feel like I'm actually changing. But I still have moments when the above feeling haunts me, though they be fewer and farther between. I would have liked to end the poem, at least, on a happier moment. But I couldn't. It wouldn't let me. Only my blog post is allowed the happier ending. That's the way it goes sometimes. Even the Psalms... people say they move from dark to light at the end, but not quite all of them. Sometimes you just get snapshots of the hopelessness. Is it worse because you can't see the whole progression of the Story, of dark to light, in one single poem? Okay, I'm just going to be quiet now, that's enough of the defense mechanism of babbling. As a further random aside, the "currently reading" on my sidebar is currently wildly inaccurate.

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