Wednesday, December 05, 2012

I ought to be sleeping...

...but... it's not that I'm tired of sleeping, per se... it's just that I'm tired of getting to do so very little else.

Yesterday my baby: codename Gracie (because Apocalyptica the Flimflammer is taken already) turned one month old. I know I'm doing well to be doing as much as I am, but that doesn't change the fact that I want more. I want more than to nurse her, burp her, change her diaper, burp and soothe her to sleep, fall asleep, nurse, burp, change diaper, soothe to sleep, grab a snack, unwisely waste some time online on my phone even though I could do that while nursing and I should be sleeping, nurse, burp, change diaper, burp and soothe to sleep, brush my teeth...

I mean, I have done other things. For example, two nights ago I went to SLOBS, a book club, and read For the Time Being by Auden with them. Lovely. But on the scales, against being on call 27/7, those other things... well, they suffice at first, they feel great at first... and then, hours back into the nursing and burping routine again, and I need another break.

This is just the way it is with a new baby, I know. If not much, much worse. I'm simply trying to explain, for my own sake if no one else's, why I'm blogging right now instead of using the valuable time to sleep.

And... I'm going to stop with that explanation. Lame, but I decided even before she was born that I'd like to try publishing posts before I think they're "finished," to settle for "parts" of posts, as a mind trick to get myself to post shorter pieces, and more often. Especially the more often part. Can't expect to ever do much with this blog, as I want to, if I don't post more often. Right after having a baby is rather a silly time to try to change that, but... well... I'm nothing if not silly.

Excuse me, someone is dropping her pacifier every other second, which means she's working up to the screaming hunger. Oh, wait, no, now she's falling asleep. I'm so confused. Hmm. Might be the power of "Don't Try" by Marian Call playing in the background. Maybe. Or maybe she just finally got tired of being awake. Meh. On to something else. I might even (gasp) read a book!


Alisa said...

Oh, I hear you. I'm so glad that I can provide for little Abby, but good criminey, could she just please not be hungry for more than 3 hours at a time? And isn't the light sleep where they fuss a bit when they're going down and waking up completely maddening, when you don't know if it's time to intervene or let them soothe themselves? The wee lassies are so lovely and wonderful, but wouldn't it be completely amazing to be able to do normal-person stuff for a day?

But the child is sleeping, so I'm off to get myself to sleep as quick as can be. :) You're not alone!

Marcy said...

YES. All of what you said. THAT. And the cluster feeding, and when they have reflux and you don't know if they're really still hungry or it's just the discomfort of gas and spitup making them think they're hungry, or all of the above. It's good not to be alone!