Wednesday, December 22, 2004

The End of Work As I Know It

Today was my last day at work! Yes!!!!

Not that I didn't like my job -- it was actually a pretty good job. It could get a bit boring at times, especially when I was working full-time, but I'm sure it was better than many office jobs in that respect. There were a variety of tasks, and interesting people to talk with. I am sad to be leaving. After all, I've worked there since late August, 2001. I've spent more time at that job than in any one class, or even in Women's Chorus and Chorale together. And I will have to get a new job to pay the rent; a job which, because it is new, I will not have mastered. I will have to learn again. I have nothing against learning, mind you, not in principle. The trouble with learning is that I want to be perfect, and learning makes it painfully clear that I am not.

There are two kinds of striving towards perfection: one is not afraid of growth, for growth is a part of the adventure. Another kind, the kind I am susceptible to, does not truly strive at all, but avoids any situations which will spoil the illusion. The appearance of perfection is crafted with care in order to protect the soul from suffering, which leads (slowly) to true perfection. I came across a quote recently which described quite well my feelings on growth, in my more depressed moments, at least:

"A dark hand had let go its lifelong hold upon her heart. But she did not feel joy, as she had in the mountains. She put her head down in her arms and cried, and her cheeks were salt and wet. She cried for the waste of her years in bondage to a useless evil. She wept in pain, because she was free.

What she had begun to learn was the weight of liberty. Freedom is a heavy load, a great and strange burden for the spirit to undertake. It is not easy. It is not a gift given, but a choice made, and the choice may be a hard one. The road goes upward towards the light; but the laden traveler may never reach the end of it." -The Tombs of Atuan (#2 in the Earthsea books) by Ursula K. Le Guin

Nonetheless, at the moment, I'm just glad that my vacation really is here finally! I had graduated, but vacation had not truly arrived until now.

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