Saturday, February 18, 2012

Crap Half-Marathon-Runners-in-Training Say

Have I mentioned I'm going to run a half marathon? At the end of March?

Um, well, I'm not.

No seriously, I'm not. I waited too long and the race is full, I can't register anymore. (Cue expression of Deep Shame.)

I think I shall pick another race on a different date and keep training. Maybe. It's fun.

So yeah, I'm a nerd and I like physical activity of some kind. Sue me. But hey, if you're a nerd and you're going to enjoy a sport, running is the way to go. It's got to be the nerdiest of all the mainstream, offered-in-high-school options. So... it doesn't damage my nerd street cred too much.

Plus, I use phrases like "nerd street cred" with a completely straight face, and it is so inappropriate. I've got to be a nerd.

Not that anyone was doubting. Maiden name and all that.


So... I'm training for this half marathon thing I'm not actually doing after all. And... you know how sometimes my own reactions to things kinda crack me up? Well, I'm not sure this'll be very funny to non-runners, but I'm definitely going to tag those of you I know are also training for a half. And some other runners I know who are not training, to make sure I got it right and I'm not just making running jokes. Though... I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who's ever said some of this stuff.

If you find yourself saying crap like this, you might be training for a half marathon:

"Just a little four-mile run."

"Woah! I broke a twelve-minute mile pace! That's my fastest yet!"

"Oh noes! I need to wait for my phone to finish charging so I can use that app with the GPS that tracks my distance and pace, and the battery runs down faster with the GPS on, but soon it'll be dark and if I do that one run on the dirt paths I might twist my ankle in a rut, but I don't want to do a long run on sidewalk, that's bad for my knees..."

"See, I like this app because I can take my fastest pace for a given distance, and make sure I hold myself back to that pace for the first several miles."

"You know those giant hills on Rosecrans, past Beach? Yeah, I ran up those."

"I don't like driving to Arby's, it's farther out of the way than any of the other fast food places around here." "Yeah, so I was running past Arby's, and..."

"My shoe came untied again! Dang it, I just retied you an hour ago. Sorry, I'm not tying you again until I'm done. You're just gonna have to wait."

"I really like eating a mixture of golden raisins and Cheerios on the longer runs."

"That was a long run, I'm tired. __ Quick! I need 300-400 calories with a 4:1 carb to protein ratio!"

"Blast it all, I need to go to the bathroom and I have at least an hour left in my run! Thank God for park restrooms and the pause button on the app!"

"I'm supposed to do Gentle Pickups at the end of this workout. I think I'll drive to Biola. If I run from Biola to home and back, I can do the GP on the track, but if I run to Biola and back I'll have to run them back and forth in front of my apartment complex."

"Do you think if I got some kind of holster for my phone and ran the app while playing Ultimate Frisbee, it could tell me afterwards how many miles I ran and what my average pace was?"

"My goal is just to finish the race without injuring myself. __ And if I could do it in under three hours, that'd be nice, too."

1 comment :

Annalisa Ure said...

when i read the first two lines i was like "FOR REAL?!?! what a NERD! and i was going to be like, "marcy u r such a nerd!" but then i kept reading. seems like you already understand that pretty well. you just think you are a nerd for a different reason. hahahahaha!!!!
i im not sure the running that made people nerds tho. i think more that running makes u awesome and beautiful. does that make me a nerd? keep it up. its encouraging. even from far away. ;)