Writing and Mommy and Kitty Humor. And Such. Links!

Today is the anniversary of the start of the process to induce labor for Gracie's birth. Went in to the hospital for my regular non-stress test, it went fine, left. Got the call as we left the parking lot that the long-awaited test results for Cholestasis were in, and were positive, time to induce.

I have never before in all my life been so happy to receive news that a test showed a problem. I already knew I had it, pretty much, it was just a matter of proving it to the doctors. Finally!

We turned around at the first stoplight, back to the hospital around 4:00 p.m. All checked in and drugs started around 8:00 p.m. Happy upcoming birthday, Gracie!

"Still smiling!" I know. I'm not in labor yet, very aware. That's why I'm here, to induce, because not being in labor is a problem.

Now. I've been putting in extra hours at work, which always stresses me out. Not for the extra hours themselves, necessarily, but for the situations where you're backed up badly enough that extra hours are desperately needed. And... working on the snarky post is fun, but also depressing, maddening, draining, possibly soul-destroying... I haven't done much on it in a couple weeks. Not much left to do, I don't think, so I may finish it up soon, but for now, here!

Have some quick little fun links! (And a few longer ones.)

Query Quagmire:

"Very little is expected of you..."
"Query Quagmire: The Book."
"On second thought..."

Shit My Students Write:

"Trying to concept"
What the...? O_o I feel like I should put up some kind of a content warning on this one, but, um. I don't even... huh. Um... content warning for sex ed from imaginary land??

"Let them burn cake!"

Maureen Johnson:

"This makes me happier..."
Awww! So many cute things! Stealthy creation of public cute!

"JOHN GREEN FANFIC PREVIEW"
Um, wow. I must get my hands on this.

"The day John Green realized Benedict Cumberbatch was hiding in his house was the day his collection of Nicholas Sparks novels spontaneously fell off the bookcase in his office. This surprised him. What surprised him more was that there was a face, shelf high, now clearly visible in the spot where the books had been.

It was the face of Benedict Cumberbatch.

'Who are you?' Cumberbatch said, Cumberbatchly.

'I’m John Green,' said John Green.

'Clearly an alias. Let’s see who you are really.' Benedict Cumberbatch touched his hands together in prayer formation, and touched them lightly to his lips..."

It gets more awesome. Like this, for example.

"BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH IS IN YOUR HOUSE? said Hank. YOU MEAN, LIKE, SHERLOCK?

'I mean exactly that,' John said. 'And I think? He thinks? He’s Sherlock Holmes?'"

terribleminds: "Please Ban My Books"

"Buy my books. All of them.

And then ban the crap out of them.

I eagerly await you doing the right thing.

I eagerly await all the banhammers and burnination.

*stares*

*waits*

*noisily sips Earl Grey tea*"

Momastery:

"Momaquery"
Oh wow. I won't quote much from this one because it'd be most of the post. Hey, it's short, okay? But here's the question:

"Q: Dear G: How do I keep my tween from idolizing Miley Cyrus?

Kay. I actually know this one."

The answer is truly frightening and hilarious.

"I'm Not Sassy, I'm Suzanne"
This one isn't so much a quick little funny link, it is a longer funny. It's worth it.

"I know they say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy ACTUAL SUMMER CAMP and after a week I was unable to detect any difference."

...

"And then, when the kids got home and started fighting, Craig and I would look at each other and smile and take a deep breath together and say, 'No problem. Totally not going to freak out. I am So Zen. So Zen.' This was our mantra all summer: 'Totally not freaking out. So Zen.'

One day, as summer came to a close (which it does every year because Jesus loves us), Amma threw one of her tantrums that we lovingly refer to as 'Amma-geddon.' Every once in a while, something goes terribly wrong in Amma’s life (like,Tish breathes too loudly) and Amma throws a tantrum that makes me feel like maybe a demon is actually being exorcised from her body. And when this happens, we place her in her room to go ahead and work it out. We live in Florida, but during these tantrums my parents in Virginia often call to ask how Amma’s doing. Because they can hear her. On this particular day, I let Amma yell in her room for a few minutes, and then I put on my riot gear, opened her door and said, 'Honey, as soon as you calm down, I can start your time-out timer, and you’ll be able to join us again. You just need to stop freaking out first.'

And Amma yelled back at me-  'I AM TOTALLY NOT FREAKING OUT. I AM SUZANNE!!! IIIIIII AMMMMMM SUUUUUUZAAAAAAAAAAANNNE!'

Suzanne. That’s what she thought we were saying all summer. I am Suzanne."

"6 Reasons Social Media Is Dangerous for Me"

"Since I’m a recovering bulimic, I have to keep a close eye on my relationship with food. Lately, I’ve been struggling with food a bit. More accurately, I’ve been ambushing food. Struggle suggests resistance and the problem with food is that it never puts up much of a fight. It just sits there and lets me eat it all which is quite passive aggressive of food. It’s not totally food’s fault though. Food really just gets used by me as a way to numb myself when I get anxious. When I start to overeat, I’m really looking for peace, but since I’m not sure how to get that, I’ll take second best. Second best, for me, is a carb and sugar induced coma. Comatose on the couch = not feeling much. So, mission accomplished. We overeat because it works. Not in the long run, of course. but the long run is really just for enlightened people.

My overachieving therapist insists that in fact, the long run is for EVERYONE. Since she can’t help food be more assertive (since it doesn’t have insurance), she said I should start keeping 'danger food' out of my house. In order to identify my 'danger foods,' she asked what my go-to foods are when I’m anxious or lonely or sad. Cereal, I said. Once I start with the cereal, it’s really all over. If there’s a little milk left in the bottom I can’t WASTE it because I’m really responsible so I have to keep refilling and refilling the bowl until I’m almost dead. And so my therapist said- great – let’s start by keeping cereal out of the house –especially when you’re feeling vulnerable. Okay, I said. So…always? And she said yes, we’ll start with always."

There are times when I feel like Momastery is cheesy and I start out by rolling my eyes... and then she goes and writes stuff like this. Fine, be that way, I love you and I never want you to leave and will you be my friend?

The rest of the post is good, too. And I relate to it. I have to be careful around social media as well. I have some boundaries... sort of... but I have a long ways to go. I'm not very good with this sort of thing, in general. It's like how I keep not getting enough sleep because when I'm tired I make bad decisions, like staying up late.

Cat Jump Fail

Finally, let's close with a cat video. It's a bit old now, but needs to be shared. Because this video has made my life objectively better. Because every time I hear this song on the radio now, I giggle.