An Ordinary and Holy Tuesday

Someone, probably many someones, though I don't know who, have said not to compare others' outsides to your insides. And that's part of the trouble with social media -- it can make this more difficult. So, lest you see me at my best and think I have it all together... ( O_o )

This is Joy, if you can't tell. Ha.

Things I Learned This Spring

Cooper Mountain Nature Park

Linking up with Emily Freeman to share what I've learned this spring.

I'm learning, apparently, to ban perfectionism by keeping things short. (I mean, less than 2000 words is short, right?!) This is the furthest thing from an exhaustive list of what I've learned recently. I could probably write every day for a month on what I've been learning! And I'll tell myself that I will write that series, so I don't feel as bad about leaving things out. It's a useful and pretty lie, it is.

Here are two. Two things I've learned. Well, two categories. Two category iceberg tips.

1. The Enneagram. Mostly when I'd heard about the Enneagram, up until this spring, I'd kind of been like, meh, I like the personality systems I already have, thanks. Don't need another one. I'd heard that Myers-Briggs highlights strengths whereas the Enneagram focuses on motivations, but when you include cognitive steps in your Myers-Briggs you can start to get a bit deeper than just behavior and preferences, too. So meh.

Ribs and Sleep and My Heart

Went to physical therapy Monday. I mentioned to my therapist that I was trying to pay more attention to exactly which ribs hurt, which were painful to the touch, as it can be hard to tell without investigating -- sometimes I can even press in one place and the pain response is somewhere else. And I think maybe when I have a really bad Episode there could be multiple ribs involved.

She said that yes, right then my two upper ribs and three lower ribs on the right side were all involved -- out/frozen/seized up, whatever.

The, um, "best" part? Even at my worst on Monday, it wasn't all that bad. Maybe medium bad, certainly not an Episode. With almost half my ribs on one side out. So... yeah. Certainly seems possible that it could be ALL OF THEM when I have a Rib Episode, and/or they're farther out. Fits with the way the pain moves around when it's Bad according to the different positions I try.

EDS problems.*

Sadness. And Mothers.

Trigger warning: Sadness. And mothers. Clearly.


I learned this summer, three weeks ago, that my mother is now in late-stage Alzheimer's, and has probably about twelve months to live.


Womp womp.

I learned other things this summer too, things I want to share with you, but I couldn't put this one in the same post as all the bright and happy things. I just couldn't. They can exist on the same blog, and in the same heart, but not in the same post, not today. (Link to the bright and happy things forthcoming, if you'd like to read them. Watch this space. If you don't see a link on Facebook or wherever when that goes live.)

(Also there are other wonderful, funny, cheery, and deep posts over at the linkup on Emily Freeman's blog, here! And there's still some time to join in, if you want!)

A Time to Dance

A Time to Dance by Padma Venkatraman

Read: 10/17/15-10/24/15
This review mostly written on: 2/17/16

Beautiful, moving book in verse, a YA novel about a girl in India. For those looking for diverse books to read, this one fits the bill in multiple ways. I'm not going to tell you about one of the most important ways, however, as it's a little bit of a spoiler. The majority of the book is about it, but if you want to read those first 30 pages without knowing... Also, if you don't want that spoiler, be very careful to avoid the cover blurb, and don't read any of the Library of Congress classifications on the copyright page.

Or other reviews. Though many of them are better and more in-depth than mine, they do almost all have The Spoiler, so be warned.

I will say that I haven't read many books from a Hindu perspective, and I found it fascinating. I'd like to read more, as it's, um. Kind of a huge thing in our world.

Release Day for Not Alone

Do any of you remember when I said I have a thing, and it's getting published?! Today's the day, today's the day, guys, it's RELEASE DAY!! SQUEEEEEE!!

I've said some things about it in the past, but I shall gather them together here now, for accessibility. Here you go.


From last year, "I Have a Thing!":

"My 'thing' is a personal essay. It will be included in a collection about infertility and miscarriage, from Kalos Press. Mine is about miscarriage.

"'This isn’t a book that offers solutions – there are plenty of experts for that. Nor is this a book that expounds theological explanations for pain and loss – that necessary job is already well done elsewhere.

Readathon Today

I've had a baby. Plus the book with my miscarriage essay is coming out on December 1st. But this isn't about those things. Not yet. Today, I'm writing because today is Dewey's 24-Hour Readathon, and as there aren't any minimum requirements for participation, I've decided to do it.

I'm not having someone watch my kids, and I'm not going to stay up crazy late reading, nothing like that. But I've been doing a lot of chilling and relaxing as I'm still not quite three weeks postpartum, I get tired easily, and resting continues to be a good thing for healing; so I'm just going to shift other free time activities over to reading. Reading while nursing, on its own, should net me a good chunk of time. Of course there will be interruptions, so I'm using Toggl to track my time, rather than attempting to read for whole hour increments and tracking those.

A Day (and Nights) in the Life of a Cholestasis Patient (and Stay-at-Home-Mom)

If you're like, "Whaa? Chola-who?" there's this other post that I wrote. It's long, but the basics are at the beginning. And links to infographics and stuff.

I apologize for the length, for once again going on and on. You'd think a person couldn't write this much about one rather uneventful day. You'd think. If you don't want to hear lots of little details about my life and brain space at the moment, this isn't the post for you.

Most who know seem to say there is no "typical" ICP (Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy) case or patient. Certain things are more statistically likely, sure, but... well, there's a lot of variation in several ways. On top of that, this isn't necessarily a typical day. It is... a day. Take that for what it's worth.


~

Wednesday, September 9th, 2015

Six weeks of Cholestasis down, maybe two to go

Took Benadryl last night, so actually got some good sleep. (For the sleeping pill factor, not the itching factor. My itching is caused by bile acids, not histamines.) Woke up once around 3 or something and felt very awake, was frustrated that this was even with Benadryl, but then... apparently fell asleep again. Yay! Woke up again around 7:30, then on and off back to sleep. Ribs hurting, but some sleep. Think I actually rolled over and checked my phone and Facebook notifications around 9:30. Thanks, John!

High-Risk Pregnancy and Feeeelings

Well, it's back. Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy, ICP. (In the past I've generally called it Cholestasis, which seems clearer than using an abbreviation, but... ICP is shorter to type.) As of a few weeks ago, the night of July 28th.

No, I haven't been back to the hospital yet. This is from my induction with Gracie. It just seemed... fitting.

Sorry, this is going to be long. Very. This should probably be split into four, but it all goes together so I'm going to leave it together, sorrynotsorry. I have a lot of feelings, and it seems like a lot has happened in the last few weeks. And some backstory is necessary. The "tl;dr:" version? High-risk pregnancy MESSES WITH YOUR HEAD. 'Tis a roller coaster.

48-Hour Book Challenge Finish Line 2015

It was a sad moment when I realized it was now 100% impossible for me to squeeze in 12 hours by midnight. But as I said on Facebook earlier to my sister, "Sondy, somehow I just now realized (how did I not realize?) that I can't make it up to 12 hours magically with a little bit of time here and a little bit there, I need 6 hours today and 6 hours tomorrow. Or, you know, if 2 hours today, 10 hours tomorrow. Hahaha, I'm so not making it. Oh well, it's fun anyway."

48-Hour Book Challenge, 2015!

Once again I make the 48-Hour Book Challenge attempt. There's a lot going on this weekend, and... we shall see. Twelve hours of reading and blogging and networking are required for true official participation, and I've never actually managed that yet. (That's my 48-Hour Book Challenge label link, and will take you to all my posts on it, this year's and the last couple years'.)

But, you know, two years ago I had a baby, and last year I had a one-year-old. This year, clearly, I have a two-year-old, and my chances are a little better... but on the other hand, this is Father's Day weekend. Not that we're doing a ton, just thinking through logistics and groceries and dishes, and it isn't the best possible weekend to be selfish and hide in a corner with books. Though hey! Even being selfish, I want to spend time with my family -- this is a good problem to have.

It's a Girl!

Gracie was right, we're having a girl kitty! Well, a girl, anyway.

(If you didn't hear the joke, here it is:

So we asked Gracie (codename) if she thinks we're having a boy or a girl. Apparently we're having a bunny.

— Marcy (@quettandil) May 10, 2015

Announcement and More to Come

Sorry I haven't posted here in a while. I've been... busy isn't exactly the word?

If you hadn't heard already elsewhere, this is how I announced it on Twitter:

Shirt fit more optimal later... please wait. pic.twitter.com/dERcU21lBm

— Marcy (@quettandil) March 25, 2015

What's Saving My Life Right Now

Modern Mrs. Darcy says this idea comes from Barbara Brown Taylor's memoir Leaving Church, that "most of us can easily articulate what’s killing us, but few of us pay attention to what’s giving us life."

A lot of this is in common with what I'm learning right now, or learned last year. I didn't make it into the what we learned in January linkup this month though (ah, to write faster!), so it shouldn't be too terribly redundant for you.

Okay, I didn't quite make it for this linkup either, but whatever.


1. Big goals.

I'd heard before that you shouldn't have too many goals going at once, but I'd always resisted reducing mine. Winnowing and those sorts of decisions are hard for INFPs. I remember reading from Michael Hyatt that your brain can only keep so many goals in mind at once, and I was like, "That's what writing them down is for!" But. He was right. Goals are about change, and there's only so much energy and focus and willpower to go around. Better to make the decisions on the front end.

Moments (and a few links!) of Joy

Chatting at the Sky: "The Spiritual Discipline of Wearing Better Pants"

"One of the casualties of my good girl detox was shedding my misconceptions about the spiritual disciplines. I needed to give myself permission not to practice them for a while because I couldn’t figure out how to do them without thinking I was earning something. 

"The past several years have been a re-entry of sorts into the world of the spiritual disciplines. It’s different now – kinder, gentler, tender, and more free. My definitions have changed as has (I hope) my demeanor."

Practicalities of Living Life in a Hard Season, Part Three: A Narrative

Practicalities of Living Life in a Hard Season, Part One
Practicalities of Living Life in a Hard Season, Part Two: High Sensitivity

Okay, so Parts One and Two explained my main dilemma, with two especially resonant links. Musings on the line between excuses and reasons, what self-care looks like and how hard it can be, and what happens when you throw high sensitivity into the mix. Keep in mind that, as I mentioned in the beginning, when I feel like my life is spiraling out of control, I tend to numb myself out in various ways, to gain a sense of pseudo-control. So not helpful. But not something I want to be beating myself up for either, because it IS understandable, and beating myself up just makes me feel more out of control.

I've been thinking about that sense of control and the narrative I tell myself. Why I really, really want a good narrative, one that makes sense of me, one that tells me how to work with myself.

Beauty in Winter

2014 was a big year for learning things. Sad and tragic things, fun things, productive things, beautiful things, all kinds of things! As Gracie sometimes says, "Ah the wings!"

(All the things.)

I would love it if I'd already written blog posts for many of these, which I could just link to with a little summary, but 2014 has also been a hard year, and the words and stories are slow to come. They're coming, now, but I can't push them all out before this linkup. (Speaking of things learned.) So I'll write what I can and maybe add some links later, to future posts.

(Because what an epic long blog post with lots of links really really needs is even MOAR links, to other huge long blog posts. Yup.)

1. Reminders of grace are all around.

Practicalities of Living Life in a Hard Season, Part Two: High Sensitivity

Part One was the beginning of my issues and my problem, with just a taste of solution.

Then there's this more recent link from Modern Mrs. Darcy, "Self-care for the highly sensitive parent."  Oh yes. Yes, yes.

Or how about I just live at Multnomah Falls?
That should work, right??

Add being highly sensitive into the stressful mix I described in the last post. That's great. Just what I needed. Tell me again why I'm supposed to be myself, with my own particular strengths and weaknesses, instead of being someone else? Someone else's strengths sound so much better... heh. Um.

Almost two months after I wrote most of these words, I sit at my computer editing, and remember words I highlighted earlier today in A Million Little Ways by Emily P. Freeman.

"A few weeks ago, I cried while reading a food blog. It wasn't because I was so hungry or

WorkFlowy Sharing Hub

In October I discovered WorkFlowy, and slowly but surely fell in love.

Um, maybe not that slowly. Soon it replaced a couple other things I'd been using.

It's deceptively simple. Like your first sheet of paper. Almost too flexible, but if you've used a more structured task or note-taking app before, much of the structure can be reproduced.

As far as "notebooks" or projects and sub-projects, it has infinite nesting, which I love. That, combined with tagging, makes it pretty powerful.

But anyway, my objective isn't really to sell you on it. See, WorkFlowy's free version is limited. It goes by how many new items you can add every month, starting out at 250. But if you share WorkFlowy and someone else signs up using your link, you both get another 250 every month.

Practicalities of Living Life in a Hard Season, Part One

Note: I wrote most of the material in this post and series at the beginning of November. Comments on time frames reflect that, I didn't go to the trouble to update them all. "Last Wednesday" means the Wednesday before the day I wrote this in November, not actually last Wednesday. The "Merry Christmas" part is current, but not the rest.

Okay. That is all. Carry on.




Merry Christmas! This may not be the best time ever for a new six-part or however-many-parts series, but I've been working on this one for a while now (see above), and am feeling particularly inspired at the moment to finish it up and put it out there, so. *shrug* Eh, it's okay if you're busy with your family right now. I'll link back to it again later.

(And if you're not busy, or you're feeling particularly sad or lonely or let-down or frustrated or all of the above right now and that's why you're online, welcome! This is for you. Hugs. I wish I had easy answers for you, instead of my story. But I hope it helps a little.)