Mundane, Sacred Invitations

I haven't finished telling you my PPD story, but I'm going to share this mental health tool anyway. This isn't the first tool I wanted to write about, this isn't how I'd outlined and planned it out, but God seems to be inviting me to share it now, so here it is.


I struggle with figuring out what realistic expectations are for myself, and goals that will push me without being delusional, goals that are relevant and appropriate to my life stage and responsibilities.

But I enjoy goal setting, and systems, and tracking things. I love playing around with it all, even though I'm not great at buckling down and actually getting stuff done.

Idealism is... sorta my middle name. To me, there are whole layers of realism. I can work real hard and cut things and make my schedule realistic... and then I realize it still isn't, I need to peel yet another layer off that onion.

So it was revolutionary to me when I was talking with a sister about this and she told me she's stopped asking what other people would consider a realistic expectation, to ask what God expects of her.

An Ordinary and Holy Tuesday

Someone, probably many someones, though I don't know who, have said not to compare others' outsides to your insides. And that's part of the trouble with social media -- it can make this more difficult. So, lest you see me at my best and think I have it all together... ( O_o )

This is Joy, if you can't tell. Ha.

Things I Learned This Spring

Cooper Mountain Nature Park

Linking up with Emily Freeman to share what I've learned this spring.

I'm learning, apparently, to ban perfectionism by keeping things short. (I mean, less than 2000 words is short, right?!) This is the furthest thing from an exhaustive list of what I've learned recently. I could probably write every day for a month on what I've been learning! And I'll tell myself that I will write that series, so I don't feel as bad about leaving things out. It's a useful and pretty lie, it is.

Here are two. Two things I've learned. Well, two categories. Two category iceberg tips.

1. The Enneagram. Mostly when I'd heard about the Enneagram, up until this spring, I'd kind of been like, meh, I like the personality systems I already have, thanks. Don't need another one. I'd heard that Myers-Briggs highlights strengths whereas the Enneagram focuses on motivations, but when you include cognitive steps in your Myers-Briggs you can start to get a bit deeper than just behavior and preferences, too. So meh.

Release Day for Not Alone

Do any of you remember when I said I have a thing, and it's getting published?! Today's the day, today's the day, guys, it's RELEASE DAY!! SQUEEEEEE!!

I've said some things about it in the past, but I shall gather them together here now, for accessibility. Here you go.


From last year, "I Have a Thing!":

"My 'thing' is a personal essay. It will be included in a collection about infertility and miscarriage, from Kalos Press. Mine is about miscarriage.

"'This isn’t a book that offers solutions – there are plenty of experts for that. Nor is this a book that expounds theological explanations for pain and loss – that necessary job is already well done elsewhere.

Readathon Today

I've had a baby. Plus the book with my miscarriage essay is coming out on December 1st. But this isn't about those things. Not yet. Today, I'm writing because today is Dewey's 24-Hour Readathon, and as there aren't any minimum requirements for participation, I've decided to do it.

I'm not having someone watch my kids, and I'm not going to stay up crazy late reading, nothing like that. But I've been doing a lot of chilling and relaxing as I'm still not quite three weeks postpartum, I get tired easily, and resting continues to be a good thing for healing; so I'm just going to shift other free time activities over to reading. Reading while nursing, on its own, should net me a good chunk of time. Of course there will be interruptions, so I'm using Toggl to track my time, rather than attempting to read for whole hour increments and tracking those.

48-Hour Book Challenge Finish Line 2015

It was a sad moment when I realized it was now 100% impossible for me to squeeze in 12 hours by midnight. But as I said on Facebook earlier to my sister, "Sondy, somehow I just now realized (how did I not realize?) that I can't make it up to 12 hours magically with a little bit of time here and a little bit there, I need 6 hours today and 6 hours tomorrow. Or, you know, if 2 hours today, 10 hours tomorrow. Hahaha, I'm so not making it. Oh well, it's fun anyway."

48-Hour Book Challenge, 2015!

Once again I make the 48-Hour Book Challenge attempt. There's a lot going on this weekend, and... we shall see. Twelve hours of reading and blogging and networking are required for true official participation, and I've never actually managed that yet. (That's my 48-Hour Book Challenge label link, and will take you to all my posts on it, this year's and the last couple years'.)

But, you know, two years ago I had a baby, and last year I had a one-year-old. This year, clearly, I have a two-year-old, and my chances are a little better... but on the other hand, this is Father's Day weekend. Not that we're doing a ton, just thinking through logistics and groceries and dishes, and it isn't the best possible weekend to be selfish and hide in a corner with books. Though hey! Even being selfish, I want to spend time with my family -- this is a good problem to have.

What's Saving My Life Right Now

Modern Mrs. Darcy says this idea comes from Barbara Brown Taylor's memoir Leaving Church, that "most of us can easily articulate what’s killing us, but few of us pay attention to what’s giving us life."

A lot of this is in common with what I'm learning right now, or learned last year. I didn't make it into the what we learned in January linkup this month though (ah, to write faster!), so it shouldn't be too terribly redundant for you.

Okay, I didn't quite make it for this linkup either, but whatever.


1. Big goals.

I'd heard before that you shouldn't have too many goals going at once, but I'd always resisted reducing mine. Winnowing and those sorts of decisions are hard for INFPs. I remember reading from Michael Hyatt that your brain can only keep so many goals in mind at once, and I was like, "That's what writing them down is for!" But. He was right. Goals are about change, and there's only so much energy and focus and willpower to go around. Better to make the decisions on the front end.

Beauty in Winter

2014 was a big year for learning things. Sad and tragic things, fun things, productive things, beautiful things, all kinds of things! As Gracie sometimes says, "Ah the wings!"

(All the things.)

I would love it if I'd already written blog posts for many of these, which I could just link to with a little summary, but 2014 has also been a hard year, and the words and stories are slow to come. They're coming, now, but I can't push them all out before this linkup. (Speaking of things learned.) So I'll write what I can and maybe add some links later, to future posts.

(Because what an epic long blog post with lots of links really really needs is even MOAR links, to other huge long blog posts. Yup.)

1. Reminders of grace are all around.

Deja Vu Blogfest

Found out about this linkup through Tiana Smith (who I recently found out about through Patricia C. Wrede), but I'm afraid I'm breaking the rules. I know, I know. Gasp, shock, horror.

See, since I haven't participated before, I don't want to pick a favorite post from the last year, I just want to pick a favorite post. And I felt like doing a

Happy Work

A few little things I wrote yesterday, almost put up on Facebook and/or Twitter as three individual statuses/tweets, but then decided I would like here, together.



Working on editing, and man. It is work, but this work makes me happy. ^_^

Brilliant Insights

:-P

So, there was a thing. Brent Weeks posted on Facebook, "Is Lightbringer "pulpy, charismatic fluff," or something more? A Tor.com review on The Broken Eye." With a link. But that's not the point right now.

I Have a Thing!

It's going to be PUBLISHED! Squuuueeeeeeee!

If you need me, I'll be over here on the ceiling.*

averagecats.com: Ceiling Cat

Oh wait, you wanted a few details? Fine. Be that way.

My "thing" is a personal essay. It will be included in a collection about infertility and miscarriage, from Kalos Press. Mine is about miscarriage.

"This isn’t a book that offers solutions – there are plenty of experts for that. Nor is this a book that expounds theological explanations for pain and loss – that necessary job is already well done elsewhere.

"What this book offers is simpler, and more primary: it offers companionship. No one loss is like any other, yet sharing our losses can offer, if not true solace, at least the comfort of knowing there is someone else there beside you in the dark, someone who understands. We hope that in sharing these stories you will gain the words and phrase to better frame, to better comprehend, to better share, your own story." [-from the introduction-to-be, quoted in the editor's Call for Submissions here]

Why, hello, my life mission statement!

("I write for myself, because I have to. I try and I hope to write for you as well. These things don't have to be opposed, either. Though I do it for myself, I hope my writing is not selfish. I tell my story to let you know you're not alone.")

(I would also quote some other blog posts here, about how my personality type helps me gain the words to frame my story and to help give you the words you need; but I haven't quite written those blog posts just yet.)

Um. Anyway.

>_>

The publication process is not a fast thing, so don't expect this book to be out any time soon. But I will let you know when it's available!

Believe me. I will SO let you know. ^_^

*Okay okay, I've known for a little while now, but wanted to make sure it was fine to announce before doing so. Still. Squee.

Concluding the 48-Hour Book Challenge for Another Year

48-Hour Book Challenge Finish Line! I don't want to stop now, I want to buy Dangerous and keep reading. But there's a house rental I need to call about FIRST THING tomorrow, asking if I can schedule a viewing (ideally before someone else snaps it up), and Toddler will want care and attention and then there's another viewing appointment in the afternoon...

I didn't make it up to even 12 hours, sadly. Besides the things I mentioned in my starting post, the weekend was full of pain -- the D&C I had two months ago after my miscarriage seems to have caused complications, and OW. This... would be to my advantage, Challenge-wise, as it gave me a good reason to just lie on the couch and read. But it also messed up my sleep -- not sleeping at times in the night when I was trying to, sleeping on the couch during the day when I wanted to read. So it goes.

At any rate, I did more than last year, and I had fun. Just read one book, Writing the Other, but I thoroughly enjoyed gobbling it up. And reading aloud many parts of it to my sister, and discussing them. (Which I counted in my time, part of why I read it as slowly as I did -- I figure if reading aloud to kids counts, this should too?)

I read a Kindle version, but according to Amazon the paperback edition is 122 pages. So yes, the 4 1/2 hours I spent reading it was definitely slow!

My total time was 7 hours 45 minutes. 4 1/2 hours reading, 1 1/2 hours on my starting line post (mixture of how blogging takes longer than you think, plus I'm just generally slow at things), 45 minutes on this one (yeah, see above), and 1 hour networking -- replying to comments on my blog, linking to my blog, and browsing and commenting on other people's blogs!

Didn't review anything this year. Will continue to read and review the books I mentioned in my starting post list, just not officially as a part of the Challenge. Mmm.

So, for a more concise summary of 48hbc stats:

Total hours: 7 hours 45 minutes

Books read: 1

Pages read: 122

Hours reading: 4 hours 30 minutes

Hours blogging: 2 hours 15 minutes

Hours networking: 1 hour

48-Hour Book Challenge, 2014: Diverse Books!

Attempting to participate in the 48-Hour Book Challenge again this year! (See my 48-Hour Book Challenge label for last year's posts.) With the Toddler and house rental hunting this weekend, making it up to the full 12-hour minimum for participation may be slightly tricky, but I have a waaaay better chance than I did last year with a seven-month-old.

Starting late today, after noon, so technically I'm doing the 7:00 a.m. Saturday through 7:00 a.m. Monday slot. As it's the latest one allowed.

The theme this year is diverse books, in solidarity with WeNeedDiverseBooks. Now, I only noticed that the Challenge was coming up a few days ago, and my shelves themselves seem to be pretty sad on the diverse front, for the most part. At least the ones in my TBR virtual pile. And I haven't gotten a library card at the new place yet, nor put any books on hold. But! I have a Kindle, and a credit card. Heh heh heh.


First up is Writing the Other by Nisi Shawl and Cynthia Ward, a fun nonfiction pick I'm looking forward to. At least, it feels fun to me. Can't remember where I heard it recommended, and couldn't find the source in quick searches of my bookmarks and Feedly tags, but I'm pretty sure someone or other on Twitter or in the blogs I follow mentioned it.


Next is Dangerous by Shannon Hale. I always want to read her books anyway, and it sounds like this one fits the theme.


Then I'm going to attempt to read big chuncks of A Crime So Monstrous: Face-to-Face with Modern-Day Slavery by E. Benjamin Skinner. A... less "fun" nonfiction pick. I already have it and had read the first chapter a while back. It's important stuff to be aware of in general, and I think also important for a novel I've worked on a bit that involves some slavery. Slavery can look a little different in a historical form, so a fantasy novel will probably draw more on that, but I want to at least know more about the modern-day than I do now, so I can make informed choices. Not to mention more research can help with feeling the full horror.

Oh, and as far as the diverse theme goes, it talks about slavery all around the world. Again, not as much the positive and fun side of things, but again, I think it's important.

When I can't take that any more, I'd like to read Under Heaven by Guy Gavriel Kay, an excellent book I was distracted from earlier somehow or other. It's fantasy inspired by eighth-century Tang Dynasty China.


Maybe another fun nonfiction book next if I can find one, but barring that, I'd like to pick up The House of Discarded Dreams by Ekaterina Sedia from the library. (It's actually available, without needing to put a hold on it; and it isn't by an author whose books I'm one hundred percent sure I'll want to own.) It was on Writing Excuses as the pick of the week in the episode "Writing the Other," and sounds pretty wonderful.

If I finish those this weekend, I'll take it from there. And possibly start writing reviews of them, which always takes me a while. I think it's a good list to be getting on with, for now!

All right! On to the reading! Yay!

November Lessons

Back at the beginning of July I participated in a linkup with "Fifteen Things I Learned in June." It is, of course, kind of a regular thing. A monthly linkup. And I'm participating again! Finally! Here's the linkup at Chatting at the Sky, "Let's Share What We Learned in November."

From the serious to the silly, here's a taste of my November:

1) I need to limit my choices, duh! Sorry, it might be more "duh" to me than to you... it's a personality thing. I'm easily overwhelmed by decisions and things. My reminder/flash of revelation came courtesy of Modern Mrs. Darcy (also a strong INFP, yay!), in this post, "Concrete changes I've made because of MBTI and enneagram insights."

The question, now, is just how to go about limiting my choices... I can get so exhausted by decisions and I have so many options I want to keep open, even deciding how to limit the choices is difficult! There are so many things I want to do! How do I build routines that take that into account? Routines to change up the routines? I feel like I need a template for a template for a template. Yes, I know I'm ridiculous.

Related, but not quite the same:

2) Better to progress than to not act because you're trying to make the perfect choice. I guess I already knew this, but I attempted to take it to heart this month. I think. If I'm remembering right. Hey, I'm including it in November, okay? It's my post and I'll include this if I want to. So there.

Um. I mean, I've heard in a few places recently, like the book Quiet, that our society values action over careful decision too highly, and those of us who sit around contemplating really have something unique to offer, and often make better decisions.

Sure, but I've got it bad, and I can take forever just on daily minutiae. This is to help me dial back. (Er, dial back on the pondering, not the acting.)

3) I have a tendency to either run from myself (With books! Facebook! Twitter! Blogs! TV!) or attempt to control every last thing about myself (Plans! Schedules! Goals! Rules!). I swing back and forth between the two.

(Yes, even though I'm an INFP I have a bit of J in me, too -- I do like schedules and rules and things. At least... in theory. I love the idea of them. Carrying them out not so much. But oh, how I can dream!)

When my desires turn to addictions turn to digging myself into scary holes, I become so terrified of myself I try to plan and box myself into perfection. (Spoiler: doesn't work.) Two different kinds of running, really, and two different types of lying to myself.

I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be present, here, now. I want to show up and face my life. All the clichés! They're cliché for a reason. There are some things I should try to plan for (see above, about limiting my choices), but I don't want to plan all the things because I'm afraid of any desire or emotion poking out.

Hot baths always seem to reside in the middle, at least. Even though baths are so wonderful that they turn into something I "should" do, which normally brings the danger of the controlling-myself-to-death type of running, I can't seem to lie to myself in a hot bath. Though, I'll admit, I can compose overly optimistic future plans while soaking, even if I'm not actively running away from myself yet...

Great birthday. Thanks, Beth!

4) The Hyperbole and a Half book is SO. Awesome. It's like, one million awesome. Seriously. I think it might be the funniest book I've ever read. Plus there are serious bits that are also awesome. "Depression Part One" and "Depression Part Two" of course, though I already knew about those from her blog. And "This Is Why I'll Never Be an Adult." Classic. But also new ones (I think?) like "Motivation," and "Identity" Parts One and Two. I think. I can't double check right now because I've loaned the book out, but in some ways they struck me as sort of different takes on the issues surrounding "This Is Why I'll Never Be an Adult." As you might notice with #3, I can relate. Though again, different take. (And hers is better.) Similarities. They have them.

Also this song:



It came out in December, but that's okay, because I'm not counting it as something I learned. I'm just saying it relates to the other stuff. That's all. Don't judge.

5) I absolutely love Joss Whedon's version of Much Ado About Nothing. As it turns out, I had seen the play before, but it'd been quite a while. This was a magical way to be reintroduced to it. I've watched it just twice now, once with subtitles (because baby distractions); and it was even better the second time, with the subtitles (because Shakespeare). Oh, and watching it with the enthusiastic audience of a sister also helped. I DO love sharing things. Which makes the subtitles doubly helpful, as they probably helped Melanie's understanding too, thus the enthusiasm. Next I want to watch the commentary. I love the music, I pretty much love everything about it. Oh, and Amy Acker is brilliant. Many of the actors are, really, but Amy Acker, especially the "That I were a man" speech... *swoons*

Also great present. Thanks, John!

Technically, I watched this for the first time at the end of October, but I watched it a second time in November, so it counts. Because I didn't really learn how very much I loved it until the second time. Yeah.

Oh, and found this review of it later, while writing this post. Yup. In agreement.

6) I can actually publish blog posts on three days in a row! Woo! At least if I try to just make them short little posts. Of course, I might then only post up one more thing in the entire remaining month... Oops.

7) Taking a little partial break from the internet and such? Feels So. Good. Not checking one's phone, not reading blogs as much... I mean, I love blogs and such, I do. And I want to keep up with ALL THE BLOGS, which is impossible, and even when we talk about what I really mean, just keeping up with all the ones I like, it's still hard, because there's a LOT out there that I like. And I have a little girl, and etc. etc. But I am not quite exactly like some other textroverts I know -- unless I have some space away from the internet, it gets where I can't hear myself think anymore. There are too many voices in my head.

8) Baby (or maybe I should call her Toddler, now?) seems to like cats more than kittens. Huh. I guess it makes sense -- they're almost as big as she is. If I could see tigers up close, with no fear they'd hurt me, I guess I'd like that better, too.

9) Nirvana has an Android app now! "Enthusiastic cheer!"

10) Oh, how quickly a toddler can gain speed and comfort when she really starts to walk. Girl's getting fast. Also: Awwww! Kawaii desu yo!

Obligatory baby picture. Sorry it's not better. Did I mention she's fast?

11) We have a truly insane amount of onesies and rompers.

Board books for a sense of scale?

That isn't even all of them. There's a smaller stack of long-sleeved onesies behind that stack. There are more in the laundry hamper, and presumably more in the garage. Haven't finished going through all the boxes I'd packed away for when she'd be older, yet. She's older, now.

12) Stayed away from my baby for a whole entire night for the first time ever. It was... uncomfortable, still, as far as needing to pump a lot and it not being enough, but, ooh, it was worth it. Could have been better, as circumstances made it impossible for me to go to bed very early that night, but still. I woke up a few times, smiled, and went peacefully back to sleep. Bliss. Thanks for the birthday present, John!

Er, what I learned was that it's surprisingly uncomfortable still, but still awesome. I guess. I mean, I suspected as much, mostly. But hey, now I know!

13) WOW, is my girl introverted and sensitive. I mean, I knew that already, too, but it's rarely demonstrated with such high contrast as it was last Saturday.

My sister stayed the night, and Gracie hasn't seen her often, as she lives in Oregon. That morning as soon as Gracie woke up her emotions were all over the place, from joyful squeals to despairing cries. I thought at first she was on edge because of the stranger in the house, but no. In the middle of her crying we went out to the living room, she saw my sister on the couch, and... instant silence and calm neutrality while she observed the stranger. The edginess was just from being around the crowds of my extended family celebration for Thanksgiving on Friday. Recovery. She needs it.

14) Learned some things about intersectionality and what feminism looks like for people of color. I think I want to learn a lot more before I talk about it much here, though. Maybe I'll post a few links, soonish.

15) I'm better at Dutch Blitz (can also be played with regular playing cards under the name of Nertz, among many other names) than I used to be, many many Thanksgivings ago. Also, two-player is fun, provided game play is adjusted properly. If each person plays with two decks instead of one, you try to get rid of 20 cards instead of 10, with the assistance of five stacks instead of three.. yeah, it's fun. Also makes three-player seem pretty easy, as those five stacks make it feel like there's a ton of stuff to keep track of.

16) Not only is Toddler growing well now, as in the "Fifteen Things I Learned in June" post, but she even jumped up to the next growth curve, she's not on the very bottom line anymore! Woo!

Writing and Mommy and Kitty Humor. And Such. Links!

Today is the anniversary of the start of the process to induce labor for Gracie's birth. Went in to the hospital for my regular non-stress test, it went fine, left. Got the call as we left the parking lot that the long-awaited test results for Cholestasis were in, and were positive, time to induce.

I have never before in all my life been so happy to receive news that a test showed a problem. I already knew I had it, pretty much, it was just a matter of proving it to the doctors. Finally!

We turned around at the first stoplight, back to the hospital around 4:00 p.m. All checked in and drugs started around 8:00 p.m. Happy upcoming birthday, Gracie!

"Still smiling!" I know. I'm not in labor yet, very aware. That's why I'm here, to induce, because not being in labor is a problem.

Now. I've been putting in extra hours at work, which always stresses me out. Not for the extra hours themselves, necessarily, but for the situations where you're backed up badly enough that extra hours are desperately needed. And... working on the snarky post is fun, but also depressing, maddening, draining, possibly soul-destroying... I haven't done much on it in a couple weeks. Not much left to do, I don't think, so I may finish it up soon, but for now, here!

Have some quick little fun links! (And a few longer ones.)

Query Quagmire:

"Very little is expected of you..."
"Query Quagmire: The Book."
"On second thought..."

Shit My Students Write:

"Trying to concept"
What the...? O_o I feel like I should put up some kind of a content warning on this one, but, um. I don't even... huh. Um... content warning for sex ed from imaginary land??

"Let them burn cake!"

Maureen Johnson:

"This makes me happier..."
Awww! So many cute things! Stealthy creation of public cute!

"JOHN GREEN FANFIC PREVIEW"
Um, wow. I must get my hands on this.

"The day John Green realized Benedict Cumberbatch was hiding in his house was the day his collection of Nicholas Sparks novels spontaneously fell off the bookcase in his office. This surprised him. What surprised him more was that there was a face, shelf high, now clearly visible in the spot where the books had been.

It was the face of Benedict Cumberbatch.

'Who are you?' Cumberbatch said, Cumberbatchly.

'I’m John Green,' said John Green.

'Clearly an alias. Let’s see who you are really.' Benedict Cumberbatch touched his hands together in prayer formation, and touched them lightly to his lips..."

It gets more awesome. Like this, for example.

"BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH IS IN YOUR HOUSE? said Hank. YOU MEAN, LIKE, SHERLOCK?

'I mean exactly that,' John said. 'And I think? He thinks? He’s Sherlock Holmes?'"

terribleminds: "Please Ban My Books"

"Buy my books. All of them.

And then ban the crap out of them.

I eagerly await you doing the right thing.

I eagerly await all the banhammers and burnination.

*stares*

*waits*

*noisily sips Earl Grey tea*"

Momastery:

"Momaquery"
Oh wow. I won't quote much from this one because it'd be most of the post. Hey, it's short, okay? But here's the question:

"Q: Dear G: How do I keep my tween from idolizing Miley Cyrus?

Kay. I actually know this one."

The answer is truly frightening and hilarious.

"I'm Not Sassy, I'm Suzanne"
This one isn't so much a quick little funny link, it is a longer funny. It's worth it.

"I know they say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy ACTUAL SUMMER CAMP and after a week I was unable to detect any difference."

...

"And then, when the kids got home and started fighting, Craig and I would look at each other and smile and take a deep breath together and say, 'No problem. Totally not going to freak out. I am So Zen. So Zen.' This was our mantra all summer: 'Totally not freaking out. So Zen.'

One day, as summer came to a close (which it does every year because Jesus loves us), Amma threw one of her tantrums that we lovingly refer to as 'Amma-geddon.' Every once in a while, something goes terribly wrong in Amma’s life (like,Tish breathes too loudly) and Amma throws a tantrum that makes me feel like maybe a demon is actually being exorcised from her body. And when this happens, we place her in her room to go ahead and work it out. We live in Florida, but during these tantrums my parents in Virginia often call to ask how Amma’s doing. Because they can hear her. On this particular day, I let Amma yell in her room for a few minutes, and then I put on my riot gear, opened her door and said, 'Honey, as soon as you calm down, I can start your time-out timer, and you’ll be able to join us again. You just need to stop freaking out first.'

And Amma yelled back at me-  'I AM TOTALLY NOT FREAKING OUT. I AM SUZANNE!!! IIIIIII AMMMMMM SUUUUUUZAAAAAAAAAAANNNE!'

Suzanne. That’s what she thought we were saying all summer. I am Suzanne."

"6 Reasons Social Media Is Dangerous for Me"

"Since I’m a recovering bulimic, I have to keep a close eye on my relationship with food. Lately, I’ve been struggling with food a bit. More accurately, I’ve been ambushing food. Struggle suggests resistance and the problem with food is that it never puts up much of a fight. It just sits there and lets me eat it all which is quite passive aggressive of food. It’s not totally food’s fault though. Food really just gets used by me as a way to numb myself when I get anxious. When I start to overeat, I’m really looking for peace, but since I’m not sure how to get that, I’ll take second best. Second best, for me, is a carb and sugar induced coma. Comatose on the couch = not feeling much. So, mission accomplished. We overeat because it works. Not in the long run, of course. but the long run is really just for enlightened people.

My overachieving therapist insists that in fact, the long run is for EVERYONE. Since she can’t help food be more assertive (since it doesn’t have insurance), she said I should start keeping 'danger food' out of my house. In order to identify my 'danger foods,' she asked what my go-to foods are when I’m anxious or lonely or sad. Cereal, I said. Once I start with the cereal, it’s really all over. If there’s a little milk left in the bottom I can’t WASTE it because I’m really responsible so I have to keep refilling and refilling the bowl until I’m almost dead. And so my therapist said- great – let’s start by keeping cereal out of the house –especially when you’re feeling vulnerable. Okay, I said. So…always? And she said yes, we’ll start with always."

There are times when I feel like Momastery is cheesy and I start out by rolling my eyes... and then she goes and writes stuff like this. Fine, be that way, I love you and I never want you to leave and will you be my friend?

The rest of the post is good, too. And I relate to it. I have to be careful around social media as well. I have some boundaries... sort of... but I have a long ways to go. I'm not very good with this sort of thing, in general. It's like how I keep not getting enough sleep because when I'm tired I make bad decisions, like staying up late.

Cat Jump Fail

Finally, let's close with a cat video. It's a bit old now, but needs to be shared. Because this video has made my life objectively better. Because every time I hear this song on the radio now, I giggle.

Quettandil

This will be going on my About page soon, but I wanted to give it its own post, too. Not sure how soon I'll be adding it to About, as there are other changes I want to make, and I'm not sure yet how I'm going to integrate the pieces. But regardless, here it is!

I think about my feelings and feel about my thoughts. I don't believe thought and feeling are opposed. My sister Melanie appropriated a word for people like us: Geeks. Not all geeks are Geeks (and I'm more a nerd, myself); but it's about the closest term to hand. Hi, my name is Marcy, and I'm Quettandil, Word Lover.

I want to write holistically. I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend; but I and my world encompass more than those roles, and I am also a bibliophile, writer, polyglot, singer, runner. I'm trying to tell some of the stories involved in becoming a new mother, but I think I would write a horrible mommy blog.

I believe in integration. I write for myself, because I have to. I try and I hope to write for you as well. These things don't have to be opposed, either. Though  I do it for myself, I hope my writing is not selfish. I tell my story to let you know you're not alone.

I am a story lover, storyteller, collector, creator. I hope.

I hope, I hope, I hope.

If I'm doing this wrong, Quettandil's focus is a lack of focus; if right, the focus is integration, especially in being Word Lover. (Books! Thoughts! Feelings!)

Please, will you tell me a story?

48-Hour Book Challenge Finish Line

It will probably come as no surprise that I didn't manage twelve hours in the 48-Hour Book Challenge this weekend. No, I made it up to a whopping three hours and eighteen minutes! Woo! Well.... it is what it is. I wish I'd tracked the time I spent on my starting line post, I could have included that. I mean, I don't think it's supposed to count, but when you're so far from the twelve-hour minimum, the rules become a little less relevant.

I would've liked to post about my progress here and there, but that would've been taking more time from my 3h18m, so I didn't.

I did eventually decide to make an exception to my rules for myself that I talked about in my starting line post, regarding writing reviews before reading. An exception for the sake of the Challenge. Unfortunately, I did not decide that or prepare my reading materials in time to take advantage of a couple baby naps that would have been glorious -- I was holding her the whole time, so no way to write reviews. But I didn't have my Kindle to hand, or even the book I wanted to start with loaded onto my Kindle, so I ended up reading blogs on my phone instead. Woefully unprepared.

Should've at least spent that time focusing on reading other 48-Hour Book Challenge blogs, but I didn't. Bother.

So, here's the breakdown. In those three hours and eighteen minutes I finished up a review of The Last Unicorn and posted it, drafted another (An Experiment in Criticism by C.S. Lewis), started reading The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Tolstoy, and did a tiny bit of "networking." Sort of. I mean, I didn't really spend a measurable amount of time reading other people's blogs. My networking was mostly putting the link to my starting line post on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+, and replying to one comment on it.

I spent 2 hours and 11 minutes on those 2 reviews. I spent 45 minutes reading. I spent 22 minutes on my tiny bit of networking. (How did those few things take that long?!) I made it 53% of the way through The Death of Ivan Ilyich on my Kindle. It's one of those older Kindles that can't do page numbers. Based on Amazon, in print it normally runs around at least 80 pages, though. So I read around 42 pages in my 45 minutes this morning. Okay. (I've said before that I'm not a particularly fast reader, I just read a lot. Now I can't even say that. *sob*)

Well, it was fun, and I probably wrote more this weekend than I would have without it. I hope next year I can do at least a bit more. I'll try to get another little personal book binge in here, soon. And, unrelatedly, to clean my house. Poor house.

Oh, one more thing I need to do before I sign off. I almost forgot. You need some pics of Baby from over the weekend, right? For the road. Well, I might be able to help you, there...

You would eat your toes too, if you could. They're delicious. Trust me.

Oh, look at that! I rolled over and now... Hi camera! Would you mind if I ate you?

After one of the naps, when I put her down. That didn't really work out, contrary to appearances here. Sorry about the orientation, having technical difficulties with Blogger.

 

Do you like my hair? Isn't it beautiful?

A walk, my pacifier, and air blown in my face? This is the BEST DAY EVER!

48-Hour Book Challenge

I'm so excited!

It's 6:08 in the morning on a Saturday. That's not why I'm excited. That's just why it's amazing that I can be excited. I'm up because I know everything works better when I treat my schedule and my baby's schedule the same on weekends as I do during the rest of the week, and I recently made some adjustments so I've finally started getting up as early during the week as I always mean to.

I'm excited because I'm participating in the 48-Hour Book Challenge this year! It's the 8th Annual, but I think I only heard about it for the first time last year, from my sister Sondy at Sonderbooks. I'm sure she's participated for many years now, but apparently I wasn't paying attention.

I couldn't do it last year, but this year... I can make the attempt! Woo! Between a seven-month-old and some things I have going on this weekend, I very well may not manage even the 12-hour minimum required for true official participation, but I'm going to have fun.

Go check out the rules, but basically, the idea is one reads and blogs about books as much as possible over a 48-hour window of time. Yay!

Baby last ate at 5:15 a.m., so I'm hoping she won't get up for the day quite as early as she normally does. Uh-oh, she's awake, poked my head in to grab my Kindle, and her eyes were open. But she's not making any noise yet, so there's still hope...

I may be posting this waaay later than the 6:08 mentioned at the beginning. Not because of my propensity to run on. We'll see.

I sort of have my structure picked out for me, because at the end of April I signed up for the May Challenge at 750words.com, which involved writing 750 words every single day, and then... I didn't. Quite. My penalty to myself was that in June I would always write a book review before sitting down to read a book. (I've stayed sane with all the times nursing and pumping that I could be reading by staying more or less current with the many blogs I try to follow. Not the same, but also fun.) I decided to count separate sittings on the same day as one sitting, only requiring one book review, unless I switch books. If I finish one book and start another on the same day, they still require a book review in between.

I also decided to count writing a book review as both drafting a review and then editing and posting it. Doesn't have to be of the same book, I could draft one review and then edit and post another, but both parts have to be included.

Because I forgot about these rules once recently, at the moment I need to post one more review and draft two more before I will allow myself to read. So that structures this Challenge nicely for me.

The first book on my list is The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Tolstoy, for SLOBS (a book club) on Monday, and it's very short, so then I'll be doing even more writing and blogging. Or as much as I actually get to. We'll see.

Left to myself (er, left to... less of my rules-following self? I have no idea.), I would have chosen more reading and less blogging for the Challenge, but this works.

I have no actual physical TBR pile, they're all scattered all over the place (and in notes to myself to get a hold of other books I've heard of), but for this weekend... Well, see the above. I figure I'll read whatever I feel like at the time, when I get to the reading parts. Which, after The Death of Ivan Ilyich, will probably be reading more of Libriomancer by Jim C. Hines. Which is longer. But I have both of them on my Kindle.

So! A sort-of picture of my TBR pile!

Wow, there's a lot of nonfiction at the top of the list right now. And somehow neither of the books I've mentioned so far are on this list. Meh.

Now, I would also give you a picture of my favorite spot to read, but this house doesn't really have any reading corners I'm in love with. And you know what's more important than a "where" picture? A "when" picture.

Yes, it is quite possible to photograph a "when." I'm not talking about sunrise or sunset, either.

My favorite time to read.

See?

Well, this is my starting line post. It's 7:36 a.m. now. Er, make that 8:19. I think the latest allowed window is 7:00 a.m. on Saturday to 7:00 a.m. on Monday, and I haven't started yet, so I guess that's the window I'm taking. I'll be tracking my time on everything using Toggl. Don't want to spend too much time on this post that I could be using on the Challenge, so I guess I'd better hurry and put this up!