November Lessons

Back at the beginning of July I participated in a linkup with "Fifteen Things I Learned in June." It is, of course, kind of a regular thing. A monthly linkup. And I'm participating again! Finally! Here's the linkup at Chatting at the Sky, "Let's Share What We Learned in November."

From the serious to the silly, here's a taste of my November:

1) I need to limit my choices, duh! Sorry, it might be more "duh" to me than to you... it's a personality thing. I'm easily overwhelmed by decisions and things. My reminder/flash of revelation came courtesy of Modern Mrs. Darcy (also a strong INFP, yay!), in this post, "Concrete changes I've made because of MBTI and enneagram insights."

The question, now, is just how to go about limiting my choices... I can get so exhausted by decisions and I have so many options I want to keep open, even deciding how to limit the choices is difficult! There are so many things I want to do! How do I build routines that take that into account? Routines to change up the routines? I feel like I need a template for a template for a template. Yes, I know I'm ridiculous.

Related, but not quite the same:

2) Better to progress than to not act because you're trying to make the perfect choice. I guess I already knew this, but I attempted to take it to heart this month. I think. If I'm remembering right. Hey, I'm including it in November, okay? It's my post and I'll include this if I want to. So there.

Um. I mean, I've heard in a few places recently, like the book Quiet, that our society values action over careful decision too highly, and those of us who sit around contemplating really have something unique to offer, and often make better decisions.

Sure, but I've got it bad, and I can take forever just on daily minutiae. This is to help me dial back. (Er, dial back on the pondering, not the acting.)

3) I have a tendency to either run from myself (With books! Facebook! Twitter! Blogs! TV!) or attempt to control every last thing about myself (Plans! Schedules! Goals! Rules!). I swing back and forth between the two.

(Yes, even though I'm an INFP I have a bit of J in me, too -- I do like schedules and rules and things. At least... in theory. I love the idea of them. Carrying them out not so much. But oh, how I can dream!)

When my desires turn to addictions turn to digging myself into scary holes, I become so terrified of myself I try to plan and box myself into perfection. (Spoiler: doesn't work.) Two different kinds of running, really, and two different types of lying to myself.

I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be present, here, now. I want to show up and face my life. All the clichés! They're cliché for a reason. There are some things I should try to plan for (see above, about limiting my choices), but I don't want to plan all the things because I'm afraid of any desire or emotion poking out.

Hot baths always seem to reside in the middle, at least. Even though baths are so wonderful that they turn into something I "should" do, which normally brings the danger of the controlling-myself-to-death type of running, I can't seem to lie to myself in a hot bath. Though, I'll admit, I can compose overly optimistic future plans while soaking, even if I'm not actively running away from myself yet...

Great birthday. Thanks, Beth!

4) The Hyperbole and a Half book is SO. Awesome. It's like, one million awesome. Seriously. I think it might be the funniest book I've ever read. Plus there are serious bits that are also awesome. "Depression Part One" and "Depression Part Two" of course, though I already knew about those from her blog. And "This Is Why I'll Never Be an Adult." Classic. But also new ones (I think?) like "Motivation," and "Identity" Parts One and Two. I think. I can't double check right now because I've loaned the book out, but in some ways they struck me as sort of different takes on the issues surrounding "This Is Why I'll Never Be an Adult." As you might notice with #3, I can relate. Though again, different take. (And hers is better.) Similarities. They have them.

Also this song:



It came out in December, but that's okay, because I'm not counting it as something I learned. I'm just saying it relates to the other stuff. That's all. Don't judge.

5) I absolutely love Joss Whedon's version of Much Ado About Nothing. As it turns out, I had seen the play before, but it'd been quite a while. This was a magical way to be reintroduced to it. I've watched it just twice now, once with subtitles (because baby distractions); and it was even better the second time, with the subtitles (because Shakespeare). Oh, and watching it with the enthusiastic audience of a sister also helped. I DO love sharing things. Which makes the subtitles doubly helpful, as they probably helped Melanie's understanding too, thus the enthusiasm. Next I want to watch the commentary. I love the music, I pretty much love everything about it. Oh, and Amy Acker is brilliant. Many of the actors are, really, but Amy Acker, especially the "That I were a man" speech... *swoons*

Also great present. Thanks, John!

Technically, I watched this for the first time at the end of October, but I watched it a second time in November, so it counts. Because I didn't really learn how very much I loved it until the second time. Yeah.

Oh, and found this review of it later, while writing this post. Yup. In agreement.

6) I can actually publish blog posts on three days in a row! Woo! At least if I try to just make them short little posts. Of course, I might then only post up one more thing in the entire remaining month... Oops.

7) Taking a little partial break from the internet and such? Feels So. Good. Not checking one's phone, not reading blogs as much... I mean, I love blogs and such, I do. And I want to keep up with ALL THE BLOGS, which is impossible, and even when we talk about what I really mean, just keeping up with all the ones I like, it's still hard, because there's a LOT out there that I like. And I have a little girl, and etc. etc. But I am not quite exactly like some other textroverts I know -- unless I have some space away from the internet, it gets where I can't hear myself think anymore. There are too many voices in my head.

8) Baby (or maybe I should call her Toddler, now?) seems to like cats more than kittens. Huh. I guess it makes sense -- they're almost as big as she is. If I could see tigers up close, with no fear they'd hurt me, I guess I'd like that better, too.

9) Nirvana has an Android app now! "Enthusiastic cheer!"

10) Oh, how quickly a toddler can gain speed and comfort when she really starts to walk. Girl's getting fast. Also: Awwww! Kawaii desu yo!

Obligatory baby picture. Sorry it's not better. Did I mention she's fast?

11) We have a truly insane amount of onesies and rompers.

Board books for a sense of scale?

That isn't even all of them. There's a smaller stack of long-sleeved onesies behind that stack. There are more in the laundry hamper, and presumably more in the garage. Haven't finished going through all the boxes I'd packed away for when she'd be older, yet. She's older, now.

12) Stayed away from my baby for a whole entire night for the first time ever. It was... uncomfortable, still, as far as needing to pump a lot and it not being enough, but, ooh, it was worth it. Could have been better, as circumstances made it impossible for me to go to bed very early that night, but still. I woke up a few times, smiled, and went peacefully back to sleep. Bliss. Thanks for the birthday present, John!

Er, what I learned was that it's surprisingly uncomfortable still, but still awesome. I guess. I mean, I suspected as much, mostly. But hey, now I know!

13) WOW, is my girl introverted and sensitive. I mean, I knew that already, too, but it's rarely demonstrated with such high contrast as it was last Saturday.

My sister stayed the night, and Gracie hasn't seen her often, as she lives in Oregon. That morning as soon as Gracie woke up her emotions were all over the place, from joyful squeals to despairing cries. I thought at first she was on edge because of the stranger in the house, but no. In the middle of her crying we went out to the living room, she saw my sister on the couch, and... instant silence and calm neutrality while she observed the stranger. The edginess was just from being around the crowds of my extended family celebration for Thanksgiving on Friday. Recovery. She needs it.

14) Learned some things about intersectionality and what feminism looks like for people of color. I think I want to learn a lot more before I talk about it much here, though. Maybe I'll post a few links, soonish.

15) I'm better at Dutch Blitz (can also be played with regular playing cards under the name of Nertz, among many other names) than I used to be, many many Thanksgivings ago. Also, two-player is fun, provided game play is adjusted properly. If each person plays with two decks instead of one, you try to get rid of 20 cards instead of 10, with the assistance of five stacks instead of three.. yeah, it's fun. Also makes three-player seem pretty easy, as those five stacks make it feel like there's a ton of stuff to keep track of.

16) Not only is Toddler growing well now, as in the "Fifteen Things I Learned in June" post, but she even jumped up to the next growth curve, she's not on the very bottom line anymore! Woo!

Marian Call in Concert

Bl... Blogger... eevil... *sputter*

I wrote the beginning of a draft of this post a long time ago. A loooooong time ago. Back when I was pregnant (that makes it over seven months ago at the least), and I think before some of the pregnancy real craziness started (which I couldn't link to because I haven't truly written about it yet, so that's a link to the intro). Which makes it longer ago. Maybe even not all that long after the concert itself. Which was last July.

Then, last month, I finally wrote a continuation of the draft, at 750 Words. Today (er, "today" when I was writing this part...), I copied and pasted that continuation into Blogger to join the beginning of the draft. Noticed that it wasn't formatted quite right, so hit "undo" -- I was going to go paste into Notepad and then copy and paste into Blogger. That always works, it just needs some odd formatting stripped off.

But. When I hit "undo," for some reason the whole thing disappeared instead of just the part I'd pasted in. I hit "undo" again -- there was one time, as I recall, that this happened before, but for whatever reason the main part reappeared with a second "undo." No go this time.

You'd think I would be smart at this point and "redo." Well, maybe I remembered to try somewhere in there, but also somewhere in the mess the blighter decided to automatically save itself. The empty version. I closed. I reopened. Nothing. By the time I used "Revert to draft," (which you have to close to use, it's in the screen with the list of posts, not on the editing post screen) it had decided the "draft" was post-disaster. I didn't have that original draft beginning backed up anywhere else. As you have probably surmised.

AAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. *HEADDESK*

The thing of it is, it wasn't even that long or much. I know I had a basic structure thought out, and a bit of intro. But because it's been SO LONG since I wrote the thing... gaaaah.

Sigh. So my crazy late post about a concert that I wasn't remembering as well anymore (I mean, I remember it well enough. Just not blog post well.) but I was going to still post up because it's still worth sharing even in a very imperfect state... That's all still true, it's just even more imperfect now.

It was something about why it's awesome to see Marian Call in concert, and not just listen to her CDs. There were multiple reasons. I think it went something like this: 1. Awesome venue. 2. Sound quality and general live music experience. 3. Meeting her in person. Maybe?? I mean, that more or less fits with the draft continuation I have -- I know the beginning of the draft had some points written down, but didn't make it far in elaborating the points, so the continuation finished the elaboration of point one and then went on to two and three. I think. And that looks like what I'm elaborating. Wish I could remember the actual headings... and the intro. *grouch grouch grouch*

Okay. I'm over it. Really, I am. Marian Call concert was awesome and all that!

I took a friend, @Joi_the_Artist, for her birthday. A selfish, selfish birthday gift. Um. We both enjoyed it.

Awesome Venue

As you can maybe kind of tell from the picture in the post where I introduced the Marian Call series, it was a garden concert. I mean, it was at a coffeehouse, but in an outdoor seating area they had. It was beautiful and small. I saw a hummingbird during one song. Lovely. I doubt I'll ever go to a concert where I can listen from that close to the performers again. Maybe even not at future Marian Call concerts, even though she likes house concerts, because I was in the front of the front row.

How can one be at the front of a front row, you ask? (No, really, you do. Hey, ask or else.)

Well, (And here's where we switch to the draft continuation... yay! Kind of... I mean, it's not a continuation I was super happy with, but... meh.) um.

As I was saying, well, we were seated around tables, and though we pulled the chairs out to make wobbly almost straight rows, they weren't quite straight. So I wasn't just in the front row, but farther forward in that front row, by dint of being seated more beside a table than behind it.

Live Music Experience (or whatever this heading was)

Of course, live music is always better, anyway. I mean, unless the musician isn't very good, and uses autotune or something, and fifty bajillion gazillion takes to get one that actually sounds decent? Um, not the case for Marian Call.

On the road Marian Call only has a guitarist instead of all the instrumentation on her CDs, but she does so much with her voice alone that that isn't really so much a liability as... different. I like having the opportunity to experience her music both ways. Check out her live album to see what I mean.

And, then, the live album shows off another thing -- her intros! It's really fun to hear her talk about the songs. She pointed out for us before "The Avocado Song," as a California audience, that it's much harder to find good citrus fruits or avocados in Alaska than in California. They're a risk -- expensive, and you cut into them not knowing what you're going to get, a bad one or a good one. In the many times I'd listened to that song, somehow, I'd never thought of that aspect of the metaphor!

The ability to tailor a show to the live audience is also a good thing. Those moments when a train whistle interrupts a song and you wait and laugh together. The requests people make, the camaraderie of it all. It's a good time.

Meeting Marian Call

Speaking of which, I had a chance to meet her in person. Shortly after the event I think I remembered every word she said to me, which maybe I should have journaled before I forgot. (Nooo, I'm not creepy...) I wouldn't have blogged it all, but at any rate, as I've said before, she's a very nice person. When I told her my twitter handle (/blog name) she remembered who I was, and the same with @Joi_the_Artist. She signed our stuff, and sang happy birthday to Joi in... I forget what language. A different language. It was cool.

Loot.

I told her which songs my baby especially seemed to enjoy, based on the kicking ("Highway Five" and... "In the Black," I think?) and she commented that it made sense for her to like the ballads, the higher and slower songs. If I'm recalling correctly.

(In retrospect, it was probably because I particularly liked those songs -- since then I read a study somewhere or other that babies will react in utero even when their mothers listen to music with headphones -- they're not always reacting to the music itself, so much as to the mothers' happiness at the music.)

Anyway, basically, a good time was had by all. She's going to be in the area again this month, and I'm going again! Check out her concert schedule, and who knows? If you go to one in Southern California, maybe I'll see you there! Meanwhile, I do believe I have some music to go listen to.

We couldn't resist. It was tricky with a camera phone and the lack of lighting to get the whole word in frame AND make me visible (let alone to get a very good picture), but Joi made a valiant attempt.

"In the Black"

"In the Black," from Got to Fly by Marian Call

In the Black

Guitar: Kyle Harrington / Piano: Paul Pew / Violin: Adam Stewart

You’re in the black – in the black – in the black — ain’t it lovely baby

Not coming back, in the black – ain’t you free

No more debts – no more threats – you’re in the black, baby

Left it all behind – must feel fine – must feel fine

But we  —-    wish we could see  you

We thought you might find time to write us now and then

You’re free —  now and you’re lonely

I love you, but please do not ask me to pretend

Come home if you want a friend

I’m right on task – since you asked – I’m doing great, really I am

I don’t blink, I don’t think, I just press on, press on

I’m doing fine – I’m not inclined to crack anytime soon baby

Left us all behind but we’re still fine – swear we’re fine

But we cry for no reason

Late at night when we run out of thoughtless things to do

You’re free now and you’re lonely

Please come home so we can cry with you

I hear that you cry too

We cannot bring you back when home’s not home

We can’t make you pay debts you will not own

We cannot reason with the unforeseen

We can’t compromise when there’s no in-between

CHORUS

This review is dedicated to my very very good friend Rachel. She and her family are moving thousands of miles away, and I'm going to miss them. Miss her. A LOT.

The song isn't perfect for this situation. I can't in good conscience appeal for them to "come home," this move is too good for them. But then, parts of it are still wildly appropriate, like "ain't you free / No more debts."

The phrase "in the black" is from Firefly, for Got to Fly is a wonderfully nerdy album inspired both by Firefly and Battlestar Galactica. The song and the phrase work on their own, apart from Firefly, all the normal senses of the words are kept in mind, but there's added meaning. Being in the black ("out here, in the 'Verse") has to do with freedom, adventure... and, well, yes. Freedom.

Rachel and her family are going on a new adventure, though it hardly feels like it right now, even for them. Again, I do not appeal for them to come home. Nor do I think I'm going to have to say, "We thought you might find time to write us now and then." But the sad notes are all exactly right. For that matter, so is "We can't compromise when there's no in-between."

This song has been a favorite of mine, an obsessive favorite, longer and more consistently than any other Marian Call song, I think. Which is saying something. The line that really gets me every time, the line that forced me to go back and memorize the chorus until I could sing it every time the mood or the thought struck me, is "But we cry for no reason / Late at night when we run out of thoughtless things to do." Along the same lines, I also love the entire verse right before it.

I'm not sure why I love it so blindingly compulsively much -- the concept is hardly new, in itself. Perhaps I've never seen it expressed in song form before? Certainly not expressed so well. Though many people can relate to the grief in a friend moving away, or in moving away themselves, the song works for, well, all griefs, all losses, as far as I'm concerned. I think of all the times I've been depressed, with or without a reason, and staved it off for a bit with a novel or the Internet or some game on my cell phone. But it always comes back stronger, afterward. Sometimes it can't be staved off at all. Those are some of the moments when I love singing this song. I also sing it when I'm happy, in memory and in gratitude for the music and words.

Rachel and Tim, I hope it helps you, too.

Those of you who pray, please pray for them. Pray also for me and for my family. We have other drama of our own going on over the weekend, about which I will have to remain vague. (I should pick a code name for it...) It's related to the vague stuff in the March Madness post, and it means I could be quite lonely this weekend.

Lack of extreme depression is to be desired (even more than usual), for two reasons. One, it's better for my health and thus for my baby's health to not be sucked into that blackness right now. Two, I need to get some unpacking and cleaning done over the weekend, which will be basically impossible if I'm stuck in a depression pit. So pray especially on Friday for me, as that's when it all begins, both Rachel's family moving and my family drama stuff. Thank you.

Just a little bit of BSG soundtrack squeeing

The Battlestar Season 4 soundtrack is even BETTER when I read the liner notes and find the translated lyrics. "All of this has happened before / And all of this will happen again / So say we all" in LATIN? Score.

And "The Cult of Baltar" ends with "Gaius Baltar, our divine savior, / Now and for eternity. / So say we all." In Anglo-Saxon. Is this not the most awesome TV soundtrack ever?

::Hums away, oblivious to any dissenters.:: <-- Which is good, since she might have to hurt them if she heard them being mean to her Precious. If, you know, they exist. Ooh, she could force them to LISTEN to it. That would take care of any problems. Especially if she also made them watch the show, first. Muahahaha!!!

Uh, yeah.

So, it's really good. Really very quite good. ::Backs away. Humming.::

Oh, one more thing: I have to listen to it even more to be completely sure of which are all my favorite tracks (especially for the purely instrumental work, i.e most of them, one track can bleed into another if you're not paying attention, doing something else while you listen... and there's just So Much), but so far I'm especially fond of "Gaeta's Lament" (duh, if you've seen any of my facebook posts or tweets about it), "Resurrection Hub," "Elegy," "Kara Remembers" (almost a spoiler warning for the video's title and description, but it isn't exactly, would actually mislead you if you hadn't watched the season... but for those who are picky, spoiler warning!), and "Kara's Coordinates" (SPOILER warning in the video's description, though, for real this time!). And, okay, "Diaspora Oratorio" (especially "Brothers and Sisters / Enemies and Friends / Embrace / For we have come home / Yet I weep / Not for the fallen / But for the unforgiven"). Ooh, and "Goodbye Sam" (she says, as the track in question begins to play on the CD player behind her head). Ooh, that's right, "So Much Life." Quite possibly "An Easterly View"... I'm a sucker for any inclusion of certain themes back into new tracks. And Bear McCreary does it so well. Sigh. And of course I have to finish off the list with the last track, "The Passage of Time," short though it is. So... basically what I'm saying is that I ESPECIALLY like ALL of the end of disc two. Uh-huh.

Hey, there's 34 tracks on these two discs. If you think I haven't narrowed it down... well, you're wrong. That's all. (Because I picked LESS THAN A THIRD. So there.)

Um, one last thing. The lyrics given with the video of "Gaeta's Lament" are also slightly wrong. ("This is wrong, too.") Here they are, as capitalized and punctuated and line-breaked and spelled in the liner notes:

"Alone, she sleeps in the shirt of man,

With my three wishes clutched in her hand.

The first, that she be spared the pain,

That comes from a dark and laughing reign.

When she finds love, may it always stay true,

This I beg, for the second wish I made too.

But wish no more, my life, you can take,

To have her, please, just one day wake

To have her, please, just one day wake..."

Correction/Completion

That song I mentioned a couple posts ago? The one I couldn't remember fully? It was "Real Good Thing" by the Newsboys (lyrics by Steve Taylor [figures] and Peter Furler), to be found on the "Going Public" album. I guess I might as well quote it in full now, not just the chorus. Since I have the insert right here... Thanks to Melanie and Ron for calling me with the right lyrics, and to Ron for telling me it was the Newsboys. I listened to it in between your calls, but since it was on my iPod Shuffle, which doesn't have a screen, I was still thinking it was DC Talk. Silly me. And I'd been too lazy to go look yet.

"when we don't get what we deserve
that's a real good thing (a real good thing)
when we get what we don't deserve
that's a real good thing (a real good thing)

born to sin
and then get caught
all our good deeds
don't mean squat

sell the Volvo
shred the Visa
send the cash to Ma Teresa
great idea
the only catch is you don't get saved on merit badges

when we don't get what we deserve...

doctor's coming
looking grim
'Do you have a favorite hymn?'

check your balance through the years
all accounts are in arrears
guilt is bitter
grace is sweet
park it here
on the mercy seat

when we don't get what we deserve..."

The Open Door

That's the name of the new Evanescence CD. I like it very much. A lot. I've been on an Evanescence binge. Robert got the new CD yesterday (although it'd been here, unopened, for a month -- long story), and I've kind of been listening to it ever since. With the old CD mixed in, after a while.

It's not as sad as the old one. Amy Lee broke up with her boyfriend, apparently a bad relationship, and that comes through very clearly through most of the CD. Some of you may have heard the most famous song, "Call Me When You're Sober" -- it played a couple times on KROQ, and the music video's free on yahoo (if you watch commercials, of course). Although I love her voice, I wasn't super crazy about the song at first, but it's growing on me. It's fun to sing... especially when all of a sudden Melanie joins in on harmony. (= I'm sure you could find lyrics elsewhere, but I'll put them here too, for the fun of it.

"Don't cry to me
if you loved me
you would be here with me
you want me
come find me
make up your mind

Should I let you fall
lose it all

So maybe you can remember yourself
can't keep believing, we're only
deceiving ourselves and I'm sick of the lie
and you're too late

Don't cry to me
if you loved me
you would be here with me
you want me
come find me
make up your mind

Couldn't take the blame
sick with shame

Must be exhausting to lose your own game
selfishly hated, no wonder you're jaded-
you can't play the victim this time
and you're too late

Don't cry to me
if you loved me
you would be here with me
you want me
come find me
make up your mind

You never call me when you're sober
you only want it cause it's over

How could I have burned paradise?
how could I - you were never mine!

So don't cry to me
if you loved me
you would be here with me
don't lie to me
just get your things
I've made up your mind."

I like other songs on the CD too... let's see, which other one should I put on here? I think I choose "Lacrymosa." Yes.

"Out on your own
cold and alone again
can this be what you really wanted, baby?

Blame it on me
set your guilt free
nothing can hold you back now

Now that you're gone
I feel like myself again
grieving the things I can't repair and willing...

To let you blame it on me
and set your guilt free
I don't want to hold you back now love
I can't change who I am
not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me
and in this short life,
there's no time to waste on giving up
my love wasn't enough

And you can blame it on me
just set your guilt free, honey
I don't want to hold you back now love

And then there's the disturbing stalker song, "Snow White Queen." I think it may actually hit too close to home for some people. Especially since there's really no resolution to the song. There's resolution in the CD as a whole, but not "Snow White Queen." Oh no. The best it gets is realizing that this is not a good relationship. I... like the song, I guess. "Like" isn't quite the right word for something so disturbing, but I do. It's a good song. Ooh, it's playing now, yay.

"Stoplight lock the door
don't look back
undress in the dark
and hide from you
all of you

You'll never know the way
your words have haunted me
I can't believe you'd ask these things of me
you don't know me

You belong to me
my snow white queen
there's nowhere to run,
so lets just get it over
soon I know you'll see
you're just like me
don't scream anymore my love,
cause all I want is you

Wake up in a dream
frozen fear
all your hands on me
I can't scream

I can't escape the twisted way you think of me
I feel you in my dreams and I don't sleep

You belong to me
my snow white queen
there's nowhere to run, so lets just get it over
soon I know you'll see
you're just like me
don't scream anymore my love,
cause all I want is you

I can't save your life
though nothing I bleed for is more tormenting
I'm losing my mind and you just stand
there and stare as my world divides

You belong to me
my snow white queen
there's nowhere to run, so lets just get it over
soon I know you'll see
you're just like me
don't scream anymore my love,
cause all I want is you"

Of course, "My Immortal" is still probably my favorite. It's so beautiful. Especially
with the music video. ::sigh::

Depression

"Leaves are falling, and something's calling me here.
The state of depression that I'm walking in,
Got the impression that I won't stay here long.
I know I am like this, but still I don't know what to do.

The sky is darkening, I can feel it in the air.
My heart is sinking, I know winter's on its way.
I know I am like this, but still I don't know what to do.
I know I am like this. Oh sister, show me what to do.

I know there's a way to get this another day.
When will I know if there's a way for me?
I want to lie in the sand and have the sun shine on me.
Is that way too much to ask?"

-Sixpence None the Richer, "I Won't Stay Long"

I especially like the line, "I know I am like this, but still I don't know what to do." So true.

Overall, I am doing better these days. I can still be a bit moody, though. Uh, maybe that's an understatement. But please, don't worry about me. I could just not post this, and then you wouldn't. But I really like this song. Meh.

Soli Deo Gloria

I like this song. It's from Go Fish's CD, "Part of the Proof."


Will You Dance?
words and music by J. Statema

Hey there angel, I wonder what you're lookin' at
When I see you starin' up at me
I got a polka-dotted piece of lint in my pocket
Whatcha think about that?
Well, I thought it was kind of freaky
Or maybe it's just me

Do you ever feel like the only one?
Like a fried up bug in the magnified sun
Eyes fall on you like a 2-ton ton
And you wonder what it was that you begun

If I sing for you, will you dance for me?
There's a place I had that I gave to thee
Look into my soul, I've laid it out to see
So, if I sing for you, will you dance?

Magically delicious, soothing to the soul
Put it all in a pretty package, Look at junior go
I love it when you go crazy
But I won't flatter myself
'Cuz if you weren't here clappin' for me
You'd be clappin' for someone else

Say what you mean if you mean what you say
It's common for me to get carried away
Lord, those around me I pray they will see
It's not what I have, but who gave it to me


Like most songs, it's better accompanied by music. The music especially emphasizes the lines, "'Cuz if you weren't here clappin' for me you'd be clappin' for someone else" and "It's not what I have, but who gave it to me." Part of the reason I like the song is that it shows the heart of the band, and I appreciate their honesty and humility (and silliness). I also enjoy it, though, because of what a good reminder it is of what my attitude should be, whenever I'm on stage in any sense. These days that's mostly when I'm part of the worship band at church, but it's especially important then! To help lead worship so that people will see what a beautiful voice I have is ridiculous. I think making beautiful music (as opposed to making music that's just barely good enough to not distract people from worshipping) can bring glory to God, but that's what it needs to do. Not to us, but to Your Name, be the glory.

Guy Gavriel Kay. And Music.

I've added another link -- Guy Gavriel Kay's website. My next post will probably be a review of his books Sailing to Sarantium and Lord of Emperors (a duology entitled The Sarantine Mosaic).

For now there isn't much to say. I'm still working for Jeff technically, although I haven't done much recently. I've been working for Mom more than Jeff in the last week; mowing lawns, picking up Melanie, washing dishes. I got over the Evil Sickness of Death rather quickly, so that's good. Because I've been doing a lot of driving recently I've also been listening to a lot of music -- tapes and the radio, since that's what my car can play (a vast improvement from my last car, which couldn't play anything). I've enjoyed the original cast recording of "Into the Woods" quite a bit -- I got it for about a $1 at Savers, and it's been more than worth it. I want to see a video of it now, so I can understand the second half better. I've heard it's depressing, but I don't care. Agony and Agony Reprise are my favorite songs...

Oh, and if anyone feels like giving me a random present, how about this CD? I've heard the second song on it played three times on classical stations on the radio now, and they don't normally repeat songs much. It's Faure's Pavane, but for classical guitar and orchestra. It's so beautiful! Oh, and you could also give me The Book of Secrets...